I remember how excited I was when I became aware of the Internet back in 1991 when online bulletin boards were all the rage. At the time my boyfriend showed me how people could talk in real time, posting their plans and excitement regarding a U2 concert we were going to in a few days. I was enthralled and awed by this incredible discovery and I couldn’t wait to talk to people all over the country via the World Wide Web.
Fast forward many years and tons of experience with online interactions and all kinds of people nationally and internationally concerning various topics from adoption to parenting to mental health and I can say the Net can be a wonderful but also treacherous forest of opinions, platforms, invasion, and privacy violations. It can expose many who actively engage to unsafe people and groups.
When the topic of being bullied online is discussed, many people think immediately of child victims.
It wasn’t that long ago when I was struggling with having been cyberbullied for years. I decided to do research hoping to find support for myself online. But I could find nothing regarding cyber harassment pertaining to adults.
Today that has changed and while it is great that this problem has come to light I believe there still needs to be more awareness and education about how best to protect yourself as an adult while online and how to practice self-care in this area if you do become a cyberbullying victim.
I learned the hard way how to take care of myself while engaging online and I have left several Internet groups due to being cyberbullied. Surprisingly, many of those were support groups for issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, childhood abuse, and the like. I thought they were safe places but found out some predators are just as prevalent there as many places in the outside world.
Cyberbullying is very common among adults and I came to the realization that just because someone emails me or tries to get at me that I don’t have to respond and that I didn’t get sober to be someone’s victim as I was in my childhood. When I would get bullied online, much as in life, a rage would spring up inside me so I would fire back and engage with my bully/bullies which often just escalated into me spiraling into a major depression and often winding up suicidal.
Adults who have been cyberbullied experience the same effects as child victims such as depression, insomnia, decreased self-esteem, social withdrawal, more anger and irritability, and in extreme cases, substance abuse. I went through all of this over and over except for using substances to deal with my related pain.
When the bullying online started I sincerely thought I was the only one this had happened to and was astounded when I started hearing about some celebrities and their children being victims as well, such as Robin Williams’ daughter after his passing. It was truly an eye opener and made me realize that this was not my fault at all and that I was not alone, most importantly.
For me, I had to work with a mentor and become acutely aware that I needed to do lots of deep breathing, self-talk and address my fear of people not liking or judging me. Today I don’t put stock in what others think when I share my experiences but I also am very careful now not to open myself up to people known as trolls who may prey on weak people and are only online for that purpose. I’m extremely careful who I engage with and though there is no way to know ahead of time if someone on the other side of that computer screen is a bully, I can take steps such as reporting and blocking them, reducing my digital screen time, and staying away from drama.
Reducing my online time by 50 percent also helps me not focus on these anonymous people online who don’t really know me, though they may profess to in their judgement of me. And through my experiences engaging with so much of the public online I have developed this almost sixth sense when someone is starting to try to participate in cyber bullying with me.
I don’t let my feelings control my actions and I won’t give the power to anyone else to do that, either. And I stand up for those who I notice are being bullied online.
Many times, much to my frustration the group admin would not pursue my reports of cyber bullies and that would just add more fuel to the fire with regards to my anger.
So, now I just look at the issue as me being powerless over others’ behaviors but NOT helpless over my reactions to them.
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